Fractured Hope (Undone Series Book 4) Read online

  Me: Save me a seat at dinner.

  Everyone was right. I needed to be here at the hospital for Gia, undeniably. At the same time, I needed to be there for myself. I needed to coax my baby girl back to life while also allowing myself to live. Reading, going out to dinner, or having breakfast wouldn’t kill Gia. Or me.

  * * *

  Roxie engulfed me in a hug and seemed to never want to let go. “I’m so glad you’re coming out,” she whispered.

  “I’m glad you invited me.” The words felt hollow as they fell from my lips. I was glad to be somewhere that wasn’t the hospital, but, at the same time, I worried that Gia needed me. What if she woke up? What if she moved? What if she needed me? Anxiety threatened to crush me, but I pushed through. I needed some time for me to be able to provide the strength Gia needed. Really, I needed to emotionally recharge. I was drained. Hanging out with some friends could give me the break I so desperately needed.

  We went to a steak house restaurant and I was wrapped in more arms. I sat next to Roxie and listened to the five women chat as I scanned the menu. I decided on a steak and baked potato with a cup of soup. It’d been so long since I ate something not microwaved or out of a vending machine. I was suddenly starving for real food.

  Words flew around me as I sat and watched everyone around me. Ry laughed. Harper slapped the table. Roxie rolled her eyes. Courtney smiled broadly. Cassie giggled. I was there, but on the outskirts. It’d been several months since I allowed myself to go out with the girls. When one of the doctors told me that Gia would likely wake up soon, I was at the hospital until they kicked me out.

  After a month, that doctor was fired. Apparently, he had been a lying asshole. And not just to me.

  These women had a rich history with each other, twisting and twining their lives together. They had such an easy friendship and I didn’t have that liberty. Not anymore.

  “So, Mia, how are you?” Ry asked, studying my face. Ry was the oldest of our group and the first to find love. She met the boy next door, literally, and fell head over heels in love with him. She and Will built a beautiful life together, though they had a lot to overcome. Will had lost his whole family during a drunk driving accident and blamed himself, taking it out on himself with physical cuts. Now, she and Will had a beautiful daughter and a wonderful life together. They were the stuff dreams were made of.

  “I’m . . . okay.”

  She nodded.

  “How is Gia doing?” Cassie asked, her eyes full of sympathy. She was married to Ry’s brother, Jax. They’d gotten together years ago when Cassie was a single mother to her little boy, Ben. But Jax’s demons had dragged him down in the form of alcoholism and Cassie had left him. After Jax had gotten sober and cleaned up his act, he’d fought to reclaim her. Now, they were married, Jax had adopted Ben, and they had a little girl together. They made an absolutely beautiful family.

  “She’s still the same.” My throat felt like it was closing. I didn’t want to be the center of attention and I sure as hell didn’t want to talk in depth about Gia.

  “No updates?” Harper asked. She’d been Roxie’s best friend for years. They’d been through a lot together. Harper had been there when Roxie had walked in on her former fiancé in bed with another man. After that, Roxie swore off love until David came along. The two of them fought against getting together for the longest time, until they realized together they were perfect. Of course, the car accident had almost ripped them apart because David had trouble dealing with the reality of Gia’s condition. I shook my head in answer, finding it hard to verbalize.

  “That’s a shame,” Courtney remarked. She was with Chase, Jax’s childhood friend.

  The more they asked me questions about myself, the more I realized all answers led back to the hospital.

  In that moment, I realized I hadn’t even been existing. I was merely breathing.

  After a while, I loosened up and participated in the conversation a little more and a smile ghosted on my lips. Before long, we all said our goodbyes. Roxie and I walked back to her car and I yawned. It’d been so long since I’d done anything that required effort.

  “Rox, would you mind if I drove Mia home?” Ry asked. I turned and looked at her. Roxie and Ry had some kind of silent conversation before Roxie looked at me.

  “Is that okay with you, Mia?”

  “Sure.” I shrugged. I just wanted to get home to my bed; I didn’t care how I got there.

  As long as there wasn’t a car accident.

  “Thanks,” Ry said. I followed her to her car and climbed in. I rested my head against the back of the seat and looked out the window. We rode in silence for a few minutes before she broke it. “I don’t know fully what you’re going through, but I have an idea.”

  I turned to look at her, my brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “Not many people know this, but I had a miscarriage.”

  I sucked in a breath and my eyes widened. “What?” I breathed in shock.

  “I was pregnant with twins. One day, at an ultrasound . . . there wasn’t a second heartbeat on the screen. The doctors did all kinds of tests and discovered that one of the twins had simply . . . passed. No one could explain it, but it happened. I grieved for that little life, Mia. I felt like a failure. I wanted to give up. My heart was so broken.”

  “I’m so sorry, Ry. I know those words don’t help, but I am.”

  She reached over and patted my leg. “I know you are. I know you have felt more pain than I did when I lost that little life. I can’t imagine . . . I can’t imagine going through what you have. But I wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. I may not totally know how it feels, but I have an inkling.”

  Again, the damn tears stung my eyes. “I can never have another baby, Ry. Never. The possibility is gone. And if Gia . . .” I swallowed, unable to finish the sentence.

  “I know. I’ve ached with you, Mia. That’s why I’m so glad you came out tonight. You need people around you, people to support you, people who love you and you love in return. It’s not healthy to live in the hospital.”

  “I don’t know who I am without her.”

  “I hope you never have to find out,” Ry said, conviction strong in her voice. She met my eyes before turning back to the road in front of us.

  I pulled in a deep breath and released it.

  Maybe I wasn’t alone. Maybe it was okay for me to live. Just a little bit.

  CHAPTER 4

  Roman

  AS I WALKED BY THE living room window, I saw movement that stopped me. My neighbor was slowly walking up her driveway as she flipped through the mail. I stared after her, watching her. She’d been outside a little more in the last couple of weeks. I’d seen her getting her mail or sitting outside and drinking from a mug. I kept an eye on her from a distance, just to appease her douchebag brother. Well, that was one reason. Another was she looked too frail to actually be living. Her body was so tiny it amazed me she could even walk. Once she was out of sight, I continued on, heading to the couch to watch some football. I had the next forty-eight hours off and I wanted to enjoy it with some relaxation before I had to get back to the grind.

  The game wasn’t holding my interest, though. I got up to get a beer. Out my kitchen window, I spotted her in her backyard, bent over as she planted some flowers. Her blonde hair hung around her, shielding her face. My eyes swept over her overgrown lawn. I had no doubt that she couldn’t push a lawnmower. If she was even able to get it started, she likely would lose control of it and cut off a foot. And, as usual, her stepbrother hadn’t been over to do it for her. I closed the fridge, forgot the beer, and went out to take care of the yard for her.

  I started in the front, though the grass kept clogging up the mower. I cursed her brother under my breath. When I reached the back, she stopped and looked up at me, clearly confused. I ignored her and continued on my way. One of the trees had branches that hung into her porch gutter. Her gutter would fall off if that continued. At the least, it would clog a
nd cause her bigger issues. We’d been hit by a storm a few months back and a shutter hung askew and a few pieces of siding had fallen off. Apparently, her house hadn’t fared too well.

  I wondered why her douchebag brother hadn’t fixed this shit.

  I finished with the grass and fetched a ladder and saw from my garage to fix the tree branch. Her eyes followed me as I set up the ladder, and once I was at the top and taking care of the branch, she sat back on her feet and cocked her head to the side.

  “You don’t have to do that,” she said, her voice small.

  I looked down at her, struck by her amber eyes. “Are you going to do it?” I asked. Her body jerked as though I hit her.

  “I don’t have a ladder,” she said, though I could barely hear her. “Or a saw.”

  “Looks like I do have to do it, then.”

  She nodded and didn’t respond; instead, she turned back to her flowers. I trimmed the tree, taking care of a few other problem branches. After scrounging up some nails, I moved on to fixing her siding. I felt her eyes on me as I worked, but she didn’t say a word. When I finished, I cleaned up the branches and gathered my stuff.

  “Thank you,” she said.

  “I’ll have to fix the shutter later. I need to buy some anchors.”

  “You don’t have to buy them. Or fix it.”

  I scoffed and turned toward her. “Are you going to fix it?”

  “I can’t. I’ll pay someone.”

  “Why pay someone when I’ll do it for free?”

  “I’ll ask David.”

  Ah, the douchebag stepbrother. “If he was going to fix it, he would have done it already. Clearly, he’s not going to fix shit. So, I’ll do it.”

  “Thank you.” She avoided looking at me, her eyes trained to a spot on the ground near my feet. She was so timid and stuck inside herself. I wanted to reach in and pull life out of her. I shook the feeling off. I didn’t need a charity case. I didn’t need anyone.

  I nodded and went back over to my house. I got a shower and tried watching a game, but knowing that shutter was hanging the way it was drove me crazy.

  I wouldn’t be able to sleep until it was fixed.

  After a quick trip to the store to get what I needed, I went back with my ladder and fixed it. I stood on the roof of her back porch and surveyed what else might need doing. Everything seemed to be in order, so I climbed back down.

  “You’re back,” she said. Her small frame was covered in an apron and her hands were on her hips.

  “Someone needs to get work done around here.”

  “I didn’t get your name.”

  “Roman,” I said as I closed the ladder. I didn’t bother looking at her. Something about her bothered me. She was too thin, too timid, too fragile. I’d been with fragile. It leads to nothing but problems.

  “Hi, Roman. I’m Mia.” I nodded and gathered my stuff. “I really appreciate you helping me out. It’s been . . . a long time since I cared how things looked. A freshly mowed lawn and the house fixed up is nice. So, thank you.”

  “No one else was around to fix it. I don’t want my property value to decrease due to laziness.”

  She made a startled noise. “Let me give you some money or something. You didn’t have to do any of this.”

  “I don’t want your money.”

  “Please.”

  I turned to her, my hands on my hips. “I don’t want your money. It’s not a big deal. I had nothing better to do anyway.”

  She flinched again. Something had happened to this girl that made her fearful. I wasn’t sure what it was and I didn’t particularly care. It was impossible to not notice her reaction to me, though. She wasn’t sure how to handle me.

  “Okay. Well, thanks.”

  I nodded and went back to my house. I’d accomplished everything I needed to, so I could finally, finally relax.

  * * *

  I opened the front door to get my mail, but stopped when my foot collided with a container. I picked it up and opened the lid. A smile forced its way onto my face. Another container of chocolate chip cookies. I’d eaten the last batch in less than three days. They were the best cookies I’d ever tasted. This time, I didn’t wonder where they came from. I knew. Mia had made the cookies. I wondered if she kept any for herself or if she gave them all to me.

  She clearly needed to eat a few dozen herself. Maybe the fat from them would go to her ass. She needed one of those.

  I crossed our yards and rang her doorbell.

  “Roman,” she said when she opened the door.

  “Thank you for the cookies.”

  “You’re welcome. I wanted to thank you for helping me out.”

  “Good. Then you’ll have no issue eating some of these with me.”

  Her eyes widened, but she opened the door and let me step inside. The floor plan was much the same as mine, though her house had more furniture and pictures on the walls. There were large photos of a little girl in the hallway leading to the kitchen. The child looked like Mia, except with a chubbier face.

  Christ, even a toddler had more weight on her than Mia.

  I sat at the table and Mia got us each a glass of milk. I opened the container and put it in between us, grabbing a cookie and raising an eyebrow at her. She took one, broke off a small piece, and popped it in her mouth.

  “Damn, these are some good cookies.”

  “Thanks.” She looked down at her cookie and smiled a little. “I feel like I’m always saying thank you.” We sat a few minutes in silence as she ate cookie after cookie. “So, tell me something about you,” she said.

  “Not much to tell.”

  “What do you do?”

  “I’m a fire paramedic.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “What is that?”

  “I’m a trained firefighter and a trained paramedic.”

  “So, do you put out fires?”

  “I spend some of my time on an engine, sure. The other time is spent in an ambulance.”

  “That’s really awesome.”

  “It’s great in that it’s always different, but it sucks sometimes. Lots of lost sleep.” All I’d ever wanted to be was a fireman or a paramedic. When I found out I could have a hybrid job of both, I’d found my calling. I wanted to help people. I wanted to give people a second chance at life. One call had changed all of that. For a period of time, I’d gotten lost. I hadn’t been able to give someone a second chance when it really mattered. Did that mean I had gotten it wrong? Was I really meant to help people? It took me a year to get back into an ambulance or engine, a move across the state, and a lot of self-pep talks.

  “Do you work weird shifts?” Mia shifted in her seat, probably wondering why I’d gotten lost in my own thoughts.

  “Usually, I’m on for twenty-four hours and off for forty-eight.”

  “It must be hard to do that all the time. Stay up that long.”

  “It’s worth it. I like helping people.” She smiled, though she seemed insecure about it because she looked down at her hands. “What do you do?”

  “Oh, right now I’m a receptionist of sorts at my brother’s garage.” She gazed down at the cup of milk in front of her.

  I nodded. “You don’t strike me as a receptionist.”

  “Life has been . . . complicated for me.” She half shrugged.

  “Life is complicated for everyone. That’s part of being alive.”

  Her eyes met mine, as though she was looking for something in them. After a few moments of silence, she looked away. “What made you decide to mow my lawn and fix up my house?”

  “Your brother asked me to keep an eye on you. Plus, I figured if you were fixing up the garden, you should at least be able to see it over the high grass. The house repairs just came from there.”

  “Sounds like David. He’s always meddling. He means well, but again, things are complicated. I know he worries, but . . .” She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

  “If he worried, he’d be here instead of enlisting a strang
er to look after you. Maybe it’s too much trouble for him to take care of his family.”

  Her eyes watered, my words clearly stinging her. “It’s more complicated than that. He has a lot going on.”

  “Sweetheart, life is complicated for everyone. There is not a damn person on this fucking planet who wouldn’t have things to complain about or things that suck their life away, but we make time for the things that matter.”

  She flinched and sat back in her chair, not meeting my eyes. She grabbed another cookie, picking at it more than eating it. “You don’t think I’m a priority for David?” I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement. Her voice was flat, though the last word was a higher pitch as if she was asking a question.

  “Are you a priority to anyone? Even to yourself?”

  She looked down at the cookie in her hands. “Maybe not.” I ate my cookie, regarding her.

  I wanted her to stop pitying herself, so I changed the subject. “Do you like working at the garage?”

  She shrugged. “It’s not my dream job, but it pays the bills and allows me the flexibility to deal with things outside of work. Do you have much of a life outside of work?”

  She struck a nerve. I hadn’t had a life outside of work in almost four years. “Mostly doing shit around the neighborhood that no one else is doing. Mowing lawns. Shoveling snow. Walking kids home for overworked mothers.”

  The side of her mouth kicked up a little before falling back down. “That was really nice of you. I saw you walking the kids home. Most people would have ignored them.”

  “I’m not most people.”

  For the first time, she met my eyes. There was a fierceness in them, as though a little bit of her had come to life. Just a little, though. “I noticed.” She looked down at the container. “It seems we ate the entire batch of cookies.”

  “It seems we have.” Part of me was disappointed. I had no reason to stay. I had enjoyed talking to someone who wasn’t a coworker. It’d been a long, long time since I’d spent time with someone and the past wasn’t hanging in every crevice of the conversation.