Heartfelt Lies Read online

  Heartfelt Lies

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Epilogue

  Author’s Note

  Also by Kristy Love

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Heartfelt Lies

  Copyright © 2015 by Kristy Love

  ISBN-13: 978–1511614825

  ISBN-10: 151161482X

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  License Notes

  This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only This ebook may not be sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

  Edited by:

  Brenda Letendre at Write Girl Editing Service

  Proofreading by:

  Alexis Durbin at Indie Girl Proofs

  Cover Design by:

  © Sarah Hansen at Okay Creations

  Interior Design by:

  Christine Borgford at Perfectly Publishable

  THE ENGRAVED INVITATION I held was heavy in both my hand and my heart, but it confirmed I had the right address. I regarded the church before me with a sigh.

  It all came down to this.

  Cars parked nearby and guests streamed inside. I hung back, leaning against a tree. I’d hoped I would catch a glimpse of her, but she must have gone inside before I got here. Everyone was dressed in their nicest clothing and chatted amongst themselves, enjoying the day that was sure to be filled with happiness and love.

  My heart was being slowly ripped out of my chest.

  People had stopped filtering into the church—there was no time like the present. I slipped inside; maybe no one would notice me.

  Excitement filled the interior, creating an almost audible hum. I went down a hallway to see if I could locate her. When I spotted women dressed in dark purple dresses, my heart sank. I had found her.

  As the ladies talked and giggled, I pressed myself against the wall, praying they would be too caught up in their excitement to notice me. They walked right by me as though I were part of the decor. When they were out of sight, I continued down the hall until I saw the sign on the door. Bride’s Room.

  I’d known what to expect, but it didn’t help. I was devastated all over again.

  This should have been our day. She should be getting ready to walk down the aisle to marry me. If only I hadn’t been such a disaster, it could have been me.

  I rapped on the door and looked up and down the hall to see if anyone would come and interrupt me.

  “Come in,” she called from the other side of the door. My breath caught in my throat. It had been five years since I heard her voice. I closed my eyes and gave the knob a slow turn, opening the door just enough for me to slip inside.

  My heart stopped and my lungs failed when my eyes fell on her. She was facing away from me, watching through a full-length mirror. When she saw me, her eyes widened and she gasped. She wore a tiara on her head that caught the sunlight from the open window and a veil that fell down her back. Her long, red hair hung in curls. Her dress hugged her body in an amazing way and it was hard to look away. She was still as gorgeous as the day I last saw her. Her blue eyes still captivated me. It was like no time had passed, and she was the same girl who stole my breath the moment I first laid eyes on her in the diner.

  If only I had been strong enough back then to hold on to her.

  “Jax,” she said, and turned to face me. Her hands flitted down her dress, smoothing the fabric. “What are you doing here?”

  “I came for you,” I said, stepping closer to her. Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head.

  “You can’t be here. Not today.”

  “Cassandra.” She winced when I said her full name. It felt wrong, too intimate to call her Cassandra after so many years apart. “Cassie, you can’t marry him.”

  “You’ve been gone for years, Jax. Years. I’ve moved on.” She tried to sound convincing, but her voice wavered. That little bit of hesitance gave me the courage to tell her what I came to say.

  “Please, please don’t do this.” I moved in closer until I was close enough to touch her. Running a finger down her arm, feeling her skin, the same electricity that was always between us sparked, and goose bumps washed over her flesh. She closed her eyes as though she were in pain, yet her body swayed toward me. I took her face between my palms, running my thumbs over the soft skin of her cheeks until she looked up at me. Her eyes were full of regret and tears.

  “I’m getting married today, Jax. You can’t be here.” She said the words, but her body pressed closer to mine until only a breath separated our lips. Her eyes seemed to plead for me to take her away, yet also for me to just leave. She was torn, wanting me and pushing me away at the same time.

  “You don’t have to get married. You could leave with me right now.”

  “I can’t. My family is here and his family is here and I can’t just leave. What about Ben?”

  Of course her first thought would be about her son. “We can leave through the back and I’ll call my sister. Ry won’t mind grabbing him and meeting us wherever we go.”

  She closed her eyes again and tears cascaded down her cheeks. I brushed them away with my thumbs. When she opened them, pain and uncertainty circled there. My eyes dropped to her lips and she parted them, pulling her full lower lip between her teeth. I met her gaze, where desire swirled with the uncertainty and pain.

  That was all I needed. I closed the distance between our lips, and her eyes slid shut. A small sigh escaped her. I pressed my lips gently against hers, reveling in the warmth and the perfection of her mouth. She deepened the kiss, her tongue stroking against my lips until I opened them. Her hands slipped into my hair, holding on tightly as though I would disappear. I held her face between my hands, not wanting to let her go, afraid of what would happen when this moment ended.

  She moaned and pressed closer to me until her body was melded to mine. One of her hands dropped down and grabbed the waist of my jeans, pullin
g me to her. Her body still felt familiar as I slid one of my hands down her torso and gripped her waist. Our lips moved in a frenzy as we clambered to get closer to one another. The need for her was painful. It had been five years since I held her this way and tasted her. I wanted more. I wanted to devour her and make it so she wouldn’t want to leave. It was clear in my heart and mind that once our lips separated, the moment would be over.

  As her hands tore at my shirt, trying to get underneath it, someone knocked on the door.

  “Cassie?” a woman called through the door. She pulled away from me and the loss of her was an immediate ache. I wanted to pull her into my arms and convince her not to let this be the end.

  It couldn’t end this way.

  “Yeah?” Cassie answered, attempting to catch her breath. She took a few hesitant steps away from me, but her hands were still clenching my shirt, holding me.

  “It’s time. Are you ready?”

  “Yeah. Just—” She sighed, closing her eyes. “Just give me a minute, okay?”

  “Sure. I’ll wait for you down the hall.”

  “I’ll be there in a minute.” Cassie’s eyes were full of resignation. They locked on mine.

  “Cassie, you don’t have to do this.”

  “I can’t leave Nolan, Jax. I care about him.” She let go of my shirt and took a few steps away from me, then turned back to the mirror. She ran a finger under her eyes and around her lips, fixing her slightly smudged makeup. When she was done she turned back to me and her eyes were no longer churning with emotion. She was surrounded by impenetrable walls. “You have to leave, Jax.”

  Pain twisted my heart and my stomach dropped. “Please, Cassie. Just give me a chance.”

  “You had your chance. You had years to come back and now it’s too late.”

  I moved closer to her as the heavy pain in my chest made it hard to breathe. She held her hand up, stopping me. “I’m done, Jax. I’m getting married. You need to leave.”

  “I love you,” I pleaded. I had to stop her from walking out the door and out on me. I felt her slipping through my fingers again, but this time I would fight for her. She gasped and her eyes widened briefly before she caught herself and her walls rose again.

  “If you won’t leave, I will.” She walked to the door, her dress rustling with her movements. Before she opened the door, she bowed her head, her back still to me, and she rested her hand on the doorknob. “Goodbye, Jax.”

  She opened the door and stepped out, leaving me behind.

  I stood in the middle of the room, still feeling her skin under my fingers and her lips against mine. I replayed her voice over in my head, aching to have her come back, but I had lost.

  I had lost my reason.

  Time lost meaning as I stood there, staring at the door and feeling the loss of her. Somehow, I found my way out of the room and then the church. Once I was in my truck, sadness overwhelmed me and I rested my head against the steering wheel. For the first time in years, I craved the oblivion alcohol gave me. Something, anything, to make this pain more bearable. But I had fought too hard for my sobriety to ruin it. Without hope, though, I wasn’t sure what the point was.

  I put the car in gear and drove away slowly, but I was leaving a huge part of myself back in the church.

  The farther I got away from the church, my heart shattered. My hopes crashed and burned. I was gutted. For years, I had held the hope that I could fix things—fix us—once I had vanquished my demons.

  Now I had nothing. No hope. No dreams. My heart was broken beyond repair. I was left with sadness, grief, and regret.

  Maybe I deserved to be left behind.

  “HEY, MAN,” I said, opening the front door. A few friends were over tonight to hang out. Dean walked in and handed me a six-pack of beer. It was the cheap shit, but it was still beer. Sam walked in behind him and handed me a bottle of vodka. After closing the door behind them, I went into the kitchen and put the beer in the fridge and the vodka on the counter.

  I was nervous about having the alcohol in the house since my mom was a former addict, but she wasn’t home right now. I could always pour it down the drain or send it home with them when they left.

  Before long, all five guys were over and we were sitting around drinking. Sam was telling us a crazy story about something that went down at work earlier in the week. He was a bouncer at a strip club and always had the best and craziest stories.

  “Jax, I’m home!” my mom called out as she came in the door. She walked into the living room and surveyed everyone. “Oh, hey guys. How’s it going?”

  “Good, Leslie. How are you?” Sam asked. My mom was well liked by the guys. She was really laid back and didn’t freak out that her under-aged son was drinking. She didn’t buy it for us, but she turned a blind eye when we were drinking. Since she was really relaxed and friendly, all my friends thought of her as a friend, as well.

  “I’m good. Glad to be done with work,” she responded. She came over and sat next to me on the couch. She leaned over and kissed my cheek and patted my shoulder.

  I moved in with my mom when she invited me to live with her after my first year of college. We’d never really had a relationship while I was growing up, so I took her up on the offer. She had left when I was two. After that, my dad slowly stopped being involved in our lives. He took long business trips, worked late nights, and stayed in his office or bedroom when he was home. That left just my sister and me. Ry was two years older than me and she took care of me as much as she could. Obviously that wasn’t much because Ry was four when my mom left, but she did what she could, especially when my dad deemed us old enough not to need a babysitter.

  By the time Ry was sixteen, my dad was gone almost all the time. Ry took over taking care of the house, the bills, and me, plus going to school. We were largely alone and she was basically my parent. By the time I turned eighteen, my dad stopped pretending to care. He ignored our birthdays, holidays, everything.

  One day, I found a letter my mom had written and left tucked inside her journal when she took off. In it I discovered she had struggled with heroin for years and that’s why my dad kicked her out. She had struggled on and off throughout the years and it only got worse once my dad made her leave. She had finally gotten clean and she figured since Ry and I were both adults, she’d get in contact with us. Our dad couldn’t stop us from talking to her, so she begged for contact with both of us.

  As I read the letter, I found out something that was shocking. My dad wasn’t Ry’s biological dad. That shattered Ry, though she eventually came back from it.

  As soon as my dad found out we were talking to my mom, he kicked Ry and me out of his house. He said he had protected us from our mother for years and he didn’t want us fucking it up. So it was just Ry, my mom, and me. And life was better than it had been when my dad was in the picture.

  My mom had been clean for the last two and a half years, and held down a job as a cashier in a hardware store. It was the only job she had ever been able to keep. Usually heroin messed up everything, but she was able to avoid it. I was proud of her.

  After a little while, my mom went to change out of her uniform. When she came back, she had a beer in her hand. She cracked it open and took a sip. Her eyes closed as though it was the best thing she’d ever tasted. When she opened her eyes, she looked at me and smiled. I was a bit nervous. To the best of my knowledge, she hadn’t drunk anything since she had gotten clean. I hoped this wouldn’t set her back.

  I kept an eye on her the rest of the night and she seemed fine. She had another beer and then went to bed. I was glad she didn’t take it too far. Hopefully she’d be able to stop herself before it got out of control.

  We finished off all the alcohol, though I didn’t drink as much as the others had. I had to be up and moving the next morning and I didn’t want to have a massive hangover. Since they were all drunk, they crashed at my place to sleep it off.

  I CHECKED ON my mom in the morning before heading out to meet Ry and Wi
ll for breakfast. She was still asleep and I was relieved that she seemed fine.

  I slipped my jacket on and grabbed my truck keys. If I was going to make it in time for breakfast, I needed to get moving. Now that I was living with my mom, I was about an hour away from where Will and Ry lived. It was good to get away a bit, though I missed hanging out with them. Even though she was my sister, we always got along. She was like another best friend.

  Will and I had roomed together in the dorms our freshman year, but he had moved in with Ry at the end of the year. I had nowhere else to go, so I moved in with my mom. It was a drive to meet up with them, but I liked spending time together.

  An hour later, I pulled up outside this tiny diner that Ry said I absolutely must try. It was called Deena’s Diner and it had a 1950’s feel, even from the outside. The inside, though, felt as though I was being transported back in time. The floors were checkered white and black and the walls were covered in pictures from the 50’s. Everything had a chrome accent, and the booths and seats were all red. I smiled. It figured that Ry would find this little place.

  I scanned the room and saw Ry. She was waving at me like a maniac. I smiled and walked over. She bounded out of her seat and pulled me into her arms. “Hey, little bro.”

  “Hey, big sis.” I nodded at Will who returned my nod with a smile. After Ry had fussed over me enough, we sat down and I scanned the menu. Pretty standard choices. I decided on pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Ry was telling me all about her new job. Her mouth was moving so fast, I almost couldn’t keep up. Luckily, I was well-versed in Ry. She clearly loved being a social worker and helping kids. It was impossible not to be happy for her. Will had his arm around her and rubbed her shoulder as she talked.

  My eyes were pulled to the door of the kitchen as a girl pushed through it. Her face was lit up in laughter, causing her big blue-green eyes to sparkle. Her nose crinkled as she laughed and her full lips were pulled up into a huge smile. She had freckles dusting her nose and cheeks. Her red hair was pulled into a loose ponytail. Even in her bubblegum pink uniform, her body was fucking amazing. I fidgeted in the booth, conscious of how she was affecting me from across the room. It had been way too long since I had hooked up with someone. It was apparent I needed to fix that. Soon.