Heartfelt Lies Page 3

  “You’ve worked, too. You’ve been with Ben all day.”

  “Honey, you know I absolutely adore that little boy. Watching him while you work isn’t any trouble.” She turned and smiled at me, her brown eyes crinkling at the edges. She was close to seventy, but she didn’t act it. She hauled her laundry to the laundromat by herself every week and kept up with Ben as though she were fifty years younger. Her hair was gray and she refused to dye it, saying she earned every gray hair and she wore them with pride.

  “Thank you,” I said. She patted my leg.

  “You know you don’t have to thank me.” She added some carrots to the roast and put it in the oven. Turning, she wiped her hands on a towel.

  “Yeah, I do.” I smiled at her. “How was everything today?”

  “Good. He played with some kids at the park before we went and got ice cream. Of course we played trains for the majority of the day. I also sorted your laundry for you so it’ll be easier for you to take it to wash.”

  “Maria, you seriously don’t need to do that.”

  “I like to. It gives this old lady purpose.”

  “I think you have more energy than I do.”

  “Oh, honey, I don’t have more energy than you. I have less to worry about. Your mind burns up all your energy worrying about that little boy and everything else you have to think about.” I looked down at my hands. She definitely wasn’t wrong. “Now, go play with that boy of yours before dinner’s ready.”

  I smiled at her and hopped off the counter before heading to see Ben.

  BEN WAS IN his bed and I had just crawled into my own. I was tired, but I couldn’t wait to text Jax back. As soon as I walked in the door, it had been a madhouse until bedtime. We had dinner, then Ben wanted me to play with him for a while, before bath time, then bed. I hadn’t had a moment to stop and look at my phone, let alone send a text. Now that my apartment was quiet, I was going to enjoy it.

  Cassie: You still there?

  Jax: Yeah. I thought you weren’t going to talk to me again.

  Cassie: No. I’ve just been busy.

  Jax: I get that.

  My phone was silent. I had no idea what to say back to him. I ran over possibilities in my head, but they all sounded lame or desperate. I had a feeling a guy like Jax didn’t like desperation.

  Jax: Okay. I’m somewhere quieter. It’ll be easier to talk now.

  Cassie: Where are you?

  Jax: At a party.

  My heart fluttered. He was at a party and decided to spend his time talking to me instead? I wanted to pinch myself.

  Cassie: You should go enjoy yourself.

  Jax: Nah. It’ll be more fun talking to you.

  I couldn’t help but smile to myself.

  Jax: What are you up to tonight?

  Cassie: I just got into bed. I have to work tomorrow.

  Jax: When is your next day off?

  Cassie: Monday.

  Jax: We should hang out.

  Cassie: I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.

  Jax: Apparently you don’t think anything is a good idea. I’m telling you it’s a good idea.

  Cassie: I don’t date.

  Jax: Okay. Then it’ll be two friends hanging out. Getting to know each other.

  I tried to think of a reason to avoid going out with him, but I couldn’t think of anything that was stronger than the desire to go out with him. I wondered if Maria would be willing to watch Ben for a couple of hours while I went out with Jax. If not, my friend and coworker, Anne, probably would be willing. I wanted this, so badly.

  Cassie: Can I let you know tomorrow?

  Jax: Sure.

  Cassie: I should get to bed. I need to get up early.

  Jax: Let me know when you want to get together.

  I put my phone down and smiled. Texting him had been a really good idea.

  I WAS MEETING Jax at a bowling alley. He said it didn’t have to be a date, but it sure as hell felt like one. I had put on my favorite pair of jeans and the shirt that Anne promised looked the best on me. I wanted him to like me, though it made little sense to me.

  Jax was leaning against the wall outside the door, smoking a cigarette. Normally I was turned off by smokers, but something about him resting against the brick with his foot propped up behind him . . . it made my breath catch in my throat.

  Damn him.

  I walked up and he tossed his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. “Hey,” he said.

  “Hi.”

  “Ready?”

  I nodded and he motioned for me to go in. He followed me and suddenly my mouth felt like I had stuffed cotton balls in it. We got bowling shoes, a lane, and set up our game. Jax started our game and then it was my turn. Awkwardness hung around us. We bowled in silence, only communicating in smiles and nods. It was brutal.

  When it was his turn, he walked up to the lane completely serious, held the ball in front of his face and lined it up. He shimmied and then swung his hand back with the ball, getting ready to let it go. Instead of releasing it toward the pins at the end of the lane, he let go too early and it flew backwards toward the seats.

  “Fuck!” he yelled, turning to watch the ball careen backwards. I managed to hop out of the way and avoid being hit. Jax rushed back toward me. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s fine. It missed me.”

  “Thank God.”

  “What happened?” I asked. The ball had just managed to miss me.

  Jax was furiously wiping his hands on his jeans. “My damn hands are too fucking sweaty. You make me nervous.”

  “I make you nervous?”

  “Yeah. It’s fucking ridiculous. I feel like a kid on my first date.”

  I smiled at him. “A date, huh?”

  “You said you didn’t want it to be a date,” he grumbled. My stomach fluttered along with my heart. He wanted to impress me and he wanted this to be a date. I put my hand on his arm and stopped him.

  “It can be a date.”

  He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. “No, you don’t have to say it’s a date. I just assaulted you with a bowling ball.” I tried to keep a straight face, but I failed and burst out laughing. He narrowed his eyes at me before laughing himself. “I just assaulted you with a fucking bowling ball.”

  I doubled over in laughter, my hands on my knees. When I finally was able to collect myself, I stood up and wiped the tears from my eyes. “What do you say we go somewhere else?”

  “Where do you want to go?”

  “Hmmmmm . . . . . . .” I had absolutely no idea. I didn’t want to go to a movie where we’d sit in the dark and not have a chance to talk; it was too early for dinner, and too late for lunch. I was stumped. “I have no clue.”

  His mouth quirked up in a crooked smile. “I have an idea.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the other side of the building and out a set of double doors. He stopped at the go-kart track. “Let’s race.”

  “Race?” I repeated as though I couldn’t hear him.

  “Yes. I win, we go out on a real date. You win and you can pick the prize.”

  I wanted him to win. I really wanted him to win. “You’re on.”

  We went over and got set up to race in our separate carts. He waved at me and winked just as the light changed to green, and then he took off. I laughed and tried to catch up to him, but he was too quick. He won by almost a full lap. When I got my helmet off, he helped me climb out of my car and he pulled me into a hug as we both laughed. The feel of his arms around me caused the laughter to die in my throat. I wanted to close my eyes and lean into him. He smelled of leather and cigarettes and I loved it.

  “So I get a real date now, huh?” he asked, his arms still tight around me. I nodded and kept my eyes closed and my head against his chest. It had been so long since I had been held this way. I wanted to absorb the feeling and save it for later. “I’ll have to come up with something good.”

  “Yeah, I guess you will.” I pulled away from him, already mou
rning the loss of his arms.

  “Do you have to go yet? Or do you have a little more time?”

  I checked my phone. I had about thirty minutes until I needed to leave. “I have a little bit of time.”

  “Do you like ice cream? We could get some before you have to leave.”

  I smiled. “You know the way to my heart,” I said, making my accent thicker. He chuckled. I looped my arm through his and we went back inside to get bowling alley ice cream.

  When I had my scoop of strawberry and he had a scoop of cookies and cream, we sat at a table. I wanted to ask him so many things, but I was unsure.

  “Is Cassie your full name? Or is that a nickname?” Jax asked.

  I smiled. He was good at breaking the tension and making things less awkward. “No, it’s Cassandra. No one calls me that, though.”

  “Really? Cassandra,” he said, trying my name out. The way my name sounded coming from his lips was unbelievable. I wanted to hear him say it over and over. “Cassandra what?”

  “Cassandra Brennan.”

  “Cassandra Brennan.” He smiled and my insides twisted. “It’s beautiful. It fits you.”

  I felt my cheeks heat and I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear to cover it up. “Thank you.”

  “What about family? Do you have any?”

  “Yeah, though I don’t really see them much.”

  “That sucks.”

  “Yeah.” I wanted to stop talking about me. We were getting dangerously close to territory I didn’t want to cover yet. “What about you? What family do you have?”

  “Well, Cassandra,” he said, smirking. A shiver went up my spine. “I have a sister who you’ve already met and I live with my mom.”

  “What about your dad?”

  Jax’s face darkened and I knew I’d touched on a subject he didn’t want to discuss. “He took off when I was eighteen.”

  “Eighteen?”

  Jax studied his ice cream. “Yeah, it’s a long story. Not good material for the first time hanging out with someone.”

  “Understood.” I wanted to keep him talking, so I figured basic questions were safe. “How old are you?”

  “Twenty. I’ll be twenty-one in October. What about you?”

  I licked around my ice cream to catch the parts that were melting. Jax watched and his eyes seemed to darken. I fought back a smile. I liked knowing I affected him that way. “I just turned twenty-one a few weeks ago.”

  “Happy belated birthday, Cassandra,” he said, his eyes still focused on my mouth. “Are you from around Fairfax?”

  “No, I’m originally from Halifax.”

  “That explains the accent.” He licked his own ice cream to keep it from dripping. “What brought you up north?”

  “It’s only a couple hours north, Jax!”

  “Cassandra, north is north.” He grinned.

  I sighed. “I came up north,” I said, emphasizing north, “to come to college.”

  “Which one?”

  “George Mason.”

  “That’s where I go.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. What’s your major?”

  “I don’t go there anymore.”

  He studied me a second like he was trying to decide if he should ask more questions. Something must have made him opt against it. “What’s your favorite color?”

  I sighed in relief. I could handle these questions. “Purple.”

  “Purple?”

  “Yeah, deep purple. Like the color of the sky when the sun is sinking below the clouds.”

  He sat back in his chair like I had shoved him. “Damn.”

  “What?”

  “That’s not what I was expecting.”

  “Glad I can keep you on your toes. What’s your favorite color?”

  He leaned forward and grabbed a lock of my hair and rubbed it between his fingers, looking at it. “I’m pretty sure it’s red.”

  My insides melted. “That’s a good answer.”

  “I think so, too.”

  “What are you studying in school?” I wanted to keep him talking. I never wanted him to stop.

  “Business, though my friend, Will, thinks I’m wasting my time.”

  “And what do you think?”

  He was quiet a moment, clearly thinking before he answered. His eyes got a faraway look before focusing on my face again. “I don’t know if I’m wasting my time or not. I just know I want to do better than my mom does.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. She’s . . . struggled a lot in life. I don’t want to face the same challenges she’s had to.”

  “I’m sure you’ll be able to avoid them.”

  “I hope so,” he said, though he spoke quietly. He could have been talking to me or to himself.

  I finished my ice cream and disappointment was heavy in the air around me—our night was coming to an end. It was time to say goodbye and risk not seeing him again. Right on cue, my phone vibrated in my pocket. It was a text from Anne reminding me I needed to get home so she could go to work. I sighed. “I need to go.”

  “Okay.” He stood up and offered me his hand, helping me stand. He pulled me into another hug and I closed my eyes, wanting to stay wrapped in his warmth. “Thanks for coming out with me today.”

  “I hope we can do it again soon.”

  “We will. When is your next day off?”

  “Wednesday, but I have plans. I probably can’t get time away until Monday.”

  “Monday? That’s so long.”

  I laughed. “It’s only a week.”

  “A long ass week.”

  “It’s all I can do, though.”

  “Okay. I’ll talk to you before then. I’ll come up with something fun to do.”

  He stared into my eyes and I sensed he was going to try to kiss me, but I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to take that step and there was still way too much that he didn’t know about me. As his lips moved toward mine, I quickly turned my face so he kissed my cheek. He lingered there for a minute before pulling away. “I’ll see you later, Cassandra.”

  “Later, Jax.”

  I watched as he walked away. He waved before he climbed into his truck and drove away. I was sad to see him go, but so glad I had taken this chance.

  WHEN I GOT home, I was anxious and couldn’t sit still. I kept replaying my time with Jax and wishing I could have spent longer with him. I checked my phone obsessively, wishing he’d call or text me. I missed him already.

  What had he done to me?

  I walked down the hall to tidy up Ben’s room for the third time in the last few hours. It wasn’t messy, at least not anymore, but I had to do something to keep my focus off Jax.

  My apartment wasn’t very big, but it was home. The living room was big enough for a couch, the TV, and the TV stand. I had a couple bins full of trains and train tracks for Ben. There was a half-wall that separated the kitchen from the living room. The kitchen was even smaller than the living room, but I was able to fit a small kitchen table with three chairs in there. Off the living room was a small hall that led to our only bathroom and our bedrooms. Ben’s room had his bed and a dresser for his clothes. Most of his floor space was taken up with toys and books. I may not have been able to afford a lot, but I wanted to give him every advantage I could. My bedroom was big enough for a queen-size bed and a dresser. I tried to add touches where I could that made it feel like a home.

  I had already dusted, vacuumed, and cleaned up all the toys. The laundry was sorted for Wednesday when I had off so I could get the wash done.

  Eventually, I had cleaned everything and it was time to get Ben ready for bed. When he was asleep in his room, I crawled into my own bed and plugged my phone in to charge. I was on the edge of sleep when it vibrated, waking me up .

  Jax: Goodnight, Cassandra. Have sweet dreams.

  I read the text several times before falling asleep with a huge smile on my face.

  I WAS ON my way to meet Cassandra for our first real date. She insist
ed that she meet me instead of me picking her up. I wasn’t happy about it, but she wouldn’t hear of anything else. I hoped she wasn’t hiding a boyfriend from me, though she didn’t seem to be the type who would cheat. Hopefully, she would tell me why she was being so secretive.

  During the past week, we had texted a lot, just getting to know each other. The last time I had taken things this slowly was back in high school. That girl had been a major bitch. She constantly cheated on me and then promised me she wouldn’t do it again, so I’d take her back. I thought I was in love with her and I wanted to believe she’d change, but she never did. I had been hesitant to get involved with anyone after that relationship ended, so from then on, I mostly stuck with random hookups. Cassandra was different, though. She was the type of girl you dated, not one you fucked in a bathroom at a party.

  I discovered that Cassandra had always wanted to go horseback riding. She never had the opportunity growing up and now it was something she couldn’t afford nor had spare time for. So I found a stable that offered trail rides. I was meeting her about ten minutes away from the farm so I could drive her there. I wanted to surprise her.

  I pulled into the parking lot of the strip mall and waited for her to pull up. I hoped she liked what I had planned, though I feared it was too cliché or cheesy.

  Something about this girl made me want to be cheesy and sappy. I wanted to sweep her off her feet and impress the hell out of her. I had never felt like that before. I normally didn’t really care if my girlfriend or whatever girl I was dating liked whatever date we were on. Sure, I wanted to impress her, but my goal was mostly to get in her pants. It was different with Cassandra. I wanted to impress her. I wanted to make her smile.

  I wanted to fill her thoughts as much as she filled mine.

  Cassandra pulled up next to my truck and waved. I got out and walked around, opening her door. She climbed out and gave me a brief hug. She was smiling and it made me smile. I helped her into my truck before walking around and getting in.

  “You have a nice truck,” she said.